Specks of silver.

I’ve now been on anti-depressants for a grand total of eight days, and I am already starting to notice my brain changing a bit. It’s odd, I never thought I would notice things changing and I was incredibly skeptical about taking anything at all, but the way that I think is actually beginning to change. And the side-effects have started to calm down thankfully, so it’s definitely found the right place now.

I started to notice little differences two days ago when I felt like me again for a few hours in the morning. I was able to get up in the morning, go to the shop, walk the dog, tidy some things…it was brilliant! I had accomplished all that before the time that I usually manage to extract myself from the world of the horizontal, and when my boyfriend came home for lunch we held a proper conversation, which is quite a rare occurrence at the moment unless it is the middle of the night. I have been a passive spectator to any form of conversation for a long time so this made a nice change.

Something similar has happened today, except it was not one chunk of normal but random bursts throughout the day interspersed with vacancy. I may have stayed in bed late, but when I got up I played with the dog for a while and chased her around the living room. I even found myself looking for jobs and feeling optimistic; I considered my future for a little while, which is an enormous jump from the beginning of last week when I did not feel I had one at all.

It’s still all ups and downs and I suddenly run out of energy every now and then, but this is massive progress even at this early stage on a tiny dose and I am astounded and thrilled.

This rain cloud is beginning to exhibit little tinges of silver around the edges!

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